Since I am turning 20 years old I think this second decade marks a milestone where I should reflect on my life thus far.
From my earliest memories I can never forget that which gave me the most pleasure, and that was going up to my family in the countryside of New York. My grandparents were always modest people, on both my mom and dad's side - I'll always remember going to my great grandma's farm where she told me stories of life as she remembered it, gave us her special cookies and told us of mystical monsters in the wintery forest which prevented my cousins and I from venturing too far into the backlands of her farm. Life back then was a mystical one, full of wonder and ease it was perhaps for the most part the only time in my life where I was able to breathe a relative lightness about myself and experience a freedom I've not since had the pleasure of partaking in.
The young friendships I had back then were many and full of many stories, even back then people recognized me as a mentor someone they could turn to to talk about their problems and receive credible advice, I always analyzed what made people act they way they acted, why they behaved the way the behaved - and perhaps from this my inclined sensitivity arose at a later age. Nothing in the world was off limits to me, I always wondered always pondered its serene boundaries - what possible thing could lurk behind the corners and make things operate the way they do.
As I grew and matured I carried my life philosophies with me, I've always been one to subscribe to theory that perseverance is the most valued trait, and as I hit middle school I found friends I would carry on with throughout then and even throughout high school. I competed in athletic events in which I can still recall a most horrid track event where I had to run a long distance 1600 meter dash in my 8th grade year, as I can recall I almost vomited on the last turn it was so bad. I did finish however, and as that reflects at least I believe - a microcosm in my life that no matter the distance, the pain, or the fatigue somehow my body always manages to find that necessary burst of energy - that last sprain to carry me over the finish line.
*cue in heavy metal music* I carried this spirit of mine into my high school career, I joined the football team where we had practices 3 weeks before school even started, and - as I embarked at the tender age of 14 with 200 or so other high school football players, freshman, sophomores, juniors, and even the varsity seniors I set about an adventure and undertaking which has so thoroughly tested my physical and mental tolerance. From the three a day practices where sweat and blood reaked the fields to the high pressure moments in games where a yard or two marked the difference between victory or certain defeat - I met these challenges and rose to the occasion. I met some bad influences then and people of unorthodox and orthodox philosophies, I learned to idealize and characterize people in terms of their actions and habituations. It was at these tender years that through so much suffering from both internal and external sources borne a being which I am today, stiffened and hardened to the point where little physical sensitivity but pure mental sensitivity exists. I acquired a heightened sense of things, how things work and I plunged in various means and ways into pits and tips of my life. I came through though.
Most recently, I've come upon academic success where I've gotten entry into my dream university and am an aspiring scientist burdened with mere academic work and awful procrastination, as I hit this mark of 20 years of age I can plainly recall all that I've been through and have yet to see and whilst I can not know the future, I do know that time will see me through to wherever I wish my feet to take me.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Randomisty
I can see my life, almost picture it vividly as a great clock tower with the giant rotating gears rusted with age but determined to propel themself forward. A machine with certain fidelity to it, the routine is rather complex but with time infinitely simple. I work and toil no matter the season or weather, for others perhaps or to serve my own purpose, others look to me with a slight insignificant glee and still others see me as their mortal enemy. I can be a marker of one's happiest moment or I can be the record of the parting force, I care not other's observation for I work - as I've said, no matter the season or weather.
--
That is - until I met her and then a contemptable thing happened, my hands froze and my time stopped, how could this be? I checked my gears, down to the very last bolt, the machinery was fine it couldn't be me yet outside of my propriety my time could not be sent free. Then - all of a sudden with her smile my tower began to shake, the gears went out of alignment I was afraid I was going to break - as she neared she could read my time frozen, and with each step my tower began to crumble and break, until the last step which saw her on me, and despite my strongest efforts to keep stillness and fidelty to myself the ruckus could not be contained and I fell apart shattered and splintered to the world that I've come to know, I fell an indeterminate length all the way down - down to her, and as I opened my eyes on the ground, there was her hand - waiting for me.
--
That is - until I met her and then a contemptable thing happened, my hands froze and my time stopped, how could this be? I checked my gears, down to the very last bolt, the machinery was fine it couldn't be me yet outside of my propriety my time could not be sent free. Then - all of a sudden with her smile my tower began to shake, the gears went out of alignment I was afraid I was going to break - as she neared she could read my time frozen, and with each step my tower began to crumble and break, until the last step which saw her on me, and despite my strongest efforts to keep stillness and fidelty to myself the ruckus could not be contained and I fell apart shattered and splintered to the world that I've come to know, I fell an indeterminate length all the way down - down to her, and as I opened my eyes on the ground, there was her hand - waiting for me.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Girls
I've always wondered: what would the world be without girls? Assuming that we men can procreate ourselves of course so as to preserve our species. What would motivate us men at that point in time? Arguably we're lazy as is, but without a component of love or relational ecstasy to look forward to, what possible reason do we have to strive to get that top tier job, or that athletic body, or that man-stache?
Short answer? Other than the basic need for survival, none. Girls are what enliven this world, the feminine pink on an altogether red painting, they ease our pain, sympathize with our plights, carry their cheerfullness and beauty everywhere they go. They're the ones who call you after you've fallen without even being asked, they're the ones who comfort the sick and soak up the evil, they're they ones who don't fight with their fists but with their words. They are, in most respects - not only an eternal motivator but a much needed balancing component of sanity in this morally insane world.
Some other duties which have been neglected at this point used to include cleaning, cooking, chores, and the like as well - damn feminists.
But it's girls more than guys that I enjoy hanging around, they're never loud, they're always receptive and just preserve this sense of being which whollely transcends the seemingly perpetual hostility in this world.
This girl I met today for example, would liven this activity, she seemed so sweet with her cute smile and energetic prose, one can't help but feel the years peel away back to childhood when they're around such influences.
Alas, I am war hardened, I have fought, nearly killed, nearly died, suffered everyday, and achieved a state of complete and total mental hell.... and yet.
Why do I persist?
Girls..
Short answer? Other than the basic need for survival, none. Girls are what enliven this world, the feminine pink on an altogether red painting, they ease our pain, sympathize with our plights, carry their cheerfullness and beauty everywhere they go. They're the ones who call you after you've fallen without even being asked, they're the ones who comfort the sick and soak up the evil, they're they ones who don't fight with their fists but with their words. They are, in most respects - not only an eternal motivator but a much needed balancing component of sanity in this morally insane world.
Some other duties which have been neglected at this point used to include cleaning, cooking, chores, and the like as well - damn feminists.
But it's girls more than guys that I enjoy hanging around, they're never loud, they're always receptive and just preserve this sense of being which whollely transcends the seemingly perpetual hostility in this world.
This girl I met today for example, would liven this activity, she seemed so sweet with her cute smile and energetic prose, one can't help but feel the years peel away back to childhood when they're around such influences.
Alas, I am war hardened, I have fought, nearly killed, nearly died, suffered everyday, and achieved a state of complete and total mental hell.... and yet.
Why do I persist?
Girls..
Sunday, September 21, 2008
University update and rant on the economy
Scratch that last post. I could never vote for Mccain, why oh why does my party have to be so retarded? What is a conservative to do in America anymore? It's a choice between taking a sledge hammer to ones balls, or to one's wallet in the elections.
Well fairly soon it won't even be a choice anymore, already the candidates are being supervised not to engage in brilliant arguments or arcane remarks or allusions to history, as the majority of Americans are your typical government educated morons who lavish in their material wealth and masturbate away their ties to intellectual propensity.
A fellow once told me that I'm beyond stubborn, that I readily and hastily discount the opinions of others in a sort of fenced off existance where I put my hands over my hears and yell something like "nany nany boo boo" perhaps to a certain extent this is true, but I think this non sequitur - everyone including the person who pointed the finger at me, has inward biases that cover them from objectively looking at another's argument if it is in opposition of theirs. We engage in practices of asking people questions we already know the answer to not to identify a new truth but rather to test and analyze how another person thinks. The way people are suppose to be are intellectually independent, that is the maximum ability we have to ascertain truth within our environment, is to take analyze our environment ourselves, with only considerations but not embracing features of other's ideals. Otherwise our opinions, philosophies, and truthisms go in the direction of the wind. Of course this person would contend that I wouldn't even consider what they were saying which is just whollely naive and independent of reality but that's ok, that's up to them to have their opinion based on their analysis of events, just as I've stated.
Speaking of going with the wind.. our economy.
I don't think majority of Americans realize just how close to the great depression we got this past week. An excellent article from the weekly issue of "The Wallstreet Journal" goes over it in detail.
If the government didn't loan 85 billion dollars to AIG, they would have had to sell their assets for pennies on the dollar, and ultimately wouldn't have been able to cover the bad strikes against their insurance policies not only from Lehman but other banks that're close to being run on (put out) AIG exemplifies the current crisis in our credit system - THERE ISN'T any left, they tried desperately to pull someone to lend them money, and there is quite literally no credit being loaned out at this time.
Our economy is heavily dependent on credit. If the government didn't step in, and the strikes were allowed to go unfunded, we would have seen one hell of a ***** load of a ****** load of a wallop. We're talking bank failures, companies laying workers off en masse, houses being sold for pennies on the dollar, wallstreet crashing, shortages everywhere,
I mean pretty much just picture the great depression of 1929.
The government just printed 500 billion dollars out of thin air (here here inflation) to bail out the credit markets and insure faulty loans AIG recently insured, banks are still teetering but I think it'll go stable..
Short selling has literally been banned on wallstreet, and good riddens - a lot of this debacle is due to the fact that hedge funds were doing illegal shortage practices on Lehman brothers, implicated as the major reason why that firm went broke. The government panel that just banned short selling is also responsible for prosecuting illegal trade practices yet they completely and ineffectively dropped the ball on securing Lehman brothers
They had 70,000 lawyers chasing paper trails. On your dollar.
America's economy is being run by idiots, someone hire an exterminator for congress, we need to get those 535 roaches dealt with.
And as for a university update: tests are in the air, and I'll admit I've been lazy this semester and I've gotten some grades I'm not particularly proud of. This university is a whole nother tier of difficulty and I hope I can manage 3 science classes - and an advanced calculus class - although it's shaping up to be rather difficult, mainly because my classes have discussion classes within them, so it's basically like I'm on campus in class for 12 hours a day then whatever time is left I can use to study.
Am I in freggin med school or something?
Well fairly soon it won't even be a choice anymore, already the candidates are being supervised not to engage in brilliant arguments or arcane remarks or allusions to history, as the majority of Americans are your typical government educated morons who lavish in their material wealth and masturbate away their ties to intellectual propensity.
A fellow once told me that I'm beyond stubborn, that I readily and hastily discount the opinions of others in a sort of fenced off existance where I put my hands over my hears and yell something like "nany nany boo boo" perhaps to a certain extent this is true, but I think this non sequitur - everyone including the person who pointed the finger at me, has inward biases that cover them from objectively looking at another's argument if it is in opposition of theirs. We engage in practices of asking people questions we already know the answer to not to identify a new truth but rather to test and analyze how another person thinks. The way people are suppose to be are intellectually independent, that is the maximum ability we have to ascertain truth within our environment, is to take analyze our environment ourselves, with only considerations but not embracing features of other's ideals. Otherwise our opinions, philosophies, and truthisms go in the direction of the wind. Of course this person would contend that I wouldn't even consider what they were saying which is just whollely naive and independent of reality but that's ok, that's up to them to have their opinion based on their analysis of events, just as I've stated.
Speaking of going with the wind.. our economy.
I don't think majority of Americans realize just how close to the great depression we got this past week. An excellent article from the weekly issue of "The Wallstreet Journal" goes over it in detail.
If the government didn't loan 85 billion dollars to AIG, they would have had to sell their assets for pennies on the dollar, and ultimately wouldn't have been able to cover the bad strikes against their insurance policies not only from Lehman but other banks that're close to being run on (put out) AIG exemplifies the current crisis in our credit system - THERE ISN'T any left, they tried desperately to pull someone to lend them money, and there is quite literally no credit being loaned out at this time.
Our economy is heavily dependent on credit. If the government didn't step in, and the strikes were allowed to go unfunded, we would have seen one hell of a ***** load of a ****** load of a wallop. We're talking bank failures, companies laying workers off en masse, houses being sold for pennies on the dollar, wallstreet crashing, shortages everywhere,
I mean pretty much just picture the great depression of 1929.
The government just printed 500 billion dollars out of thin air (here here inflation) to bail out the credit markets and insure faulty loans AIG recently insured, banks are still teetering but I think it'll go stable..
Short selling has literally been banned on wallstreet, and good riddens - a lot of this debacle is due to the fact that hedge funds were doing illegal shortage practices on Lehman brothers, implicated as the major reason why that firm went broke. The government panel that just banned short selling is also responsible for prosecuting illegal trade practices yet they completely and ineffectively dropped the ball on securing Lehman brothers
They had 70,000 lawyers chasing paper trails. On your dollar.
America's economy is being run by idiots, someone hire an exterminator for congress, we need to get those 535 roaches dealt with.
And as for a university update: tests are in the air, and I'll admit I've been lazy this semester and I've gotten some grades I'm not particularly proud of. This university is a whole nother tier of difficulty and I hope I can manage 3 science classes - and an advanced calculus class - although it's shaping up to be rather difficult, mainly because my classes have discussion classes within them, so it's basically like I'm on campus in class for 12 hours a day then whatever time is left I can use to study.
Am I in freggin med school or something?
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