These my last words of a tormented mind. The battle draws nigh and only now do I think these accursed thoughts. In fairness though, a thing of priority is all that we are accustomed to. Back then, I could run, in the breeze and admire the Earth and think of nothing else but the trees. An odd thing it would have been to try and have a preminition of what my last hours would be. All the people I've met, all the events, classes, and meetings I've attended... Rarely did I ponder outside these boundries or time unless the circumstance was particularly awful. And to me now do I recognize the true ignorance of man, that if we could break the priorities, if we could connect to the deeper meanings of our lives there would be far less turmoil in the world. Alas it has come to the priority that we must go to war, an as indicative a primitive thing it is inherently rooted in the aforementioned logic and thus has not been broken, but instead affirmed by the sheer brutality that exists in modern weapons that we still do not relent from our prioritized linear logic. IT IS debatable as to even the question of this logic's vulnerability! Here I am, continuing the trend, the mortar shells draw near.. I think I'll sing Amore's opera as they do - if but nothing else it'll be out of the ordinary and "paranoy" the barbarian murderer.

Ok, for those who didn't catch on that was a faux treatise from an imaginary soldier... *sigh*, things - they are a changing, and I don't for the better or if I'm even in control anymore. A sad thing that - take away a man's sense of control and you've essentially killed him.

On a less morbid note, I watched the superbowl sunday! I was nervous for the giants because I really wanted Strahan to win. Yes, I have sort of a man-crush borderline homoerotica thing going on for that guy haha... not reall. I analyze too much that's a given - Tarek and briefly his friend Vi were over. I think I gave her the impression that I'm an asshole - albeit a socially repressed one - it's ok with me though, I'd rather someone think of me as a socially repressed asshole than know the truth. However she's a really sweet person, one of those people who're totally conducive to other human beings - a philanthropist in every definition. Tarek and I get along decently too and it was fun watching with him, then he showed me some wrestling moves - it shocks me just how effectively he can maneuver on another man's body haha. no though I wish I had the opportunity to do wrestling. But that was back then and now is now

I've come to complain about complaining. It seems that its become fashionable, that it's rewarded or necessary to find something wrong with something. If aynthing this just fosters a destructive rather than constructive lifestyle in many ways, especially when it reverberates across the social spectrum. If you believe me to be cyncial than answer me this, why is it more expected to receive an insult from someone rathe than a complemenet? Why do people find it so hard to admit the goodness in things and people? There are like a hundred people I want to complement but it seems that they'd probably be made more uncomfortable by hearing something so unexpected... Like a mortar gunner hearing his victim sing Amore's opera.